As stated on my contact page, I have always loved to do art. The problem I’ve had is myself and I never really understood why. Some days the feeling of self-doubt was all consuming and other days it felt like I was born to do this. I’ve come to understand my own mental health, a lot mostly over the past few years. The lingering thought of “if I had known this before, could I be more now” sometimes still haunts me but it’s one I choose to push aside almost every day. It’s no longer about the past, it’s about the now and the future.
I feel like I still have to talk about the past a bit to help others. Maybe through my feelings and experiences they can see something that inspires them to do something. So, here I go.
I initially attended college to get into a prestigious animation department. I say prestigious because they only accepted about 20 people a year and you were only given so many chances to apply. I was encouraged by my professors and they seemed confident in me and my abilities. Perhaps it was me that held myself back by not sketching more, I’ll never know. The point being is that I didn’t make it and I had to move on.
I found myself a year later graduating with a BFA in English. I did find that this was another form of art that I liked. I did think the history of English literature was intriguing, but it was the creative writing that had spoken to me.
After school, however, things were hard. I didn’t know how to use my degree except to write and found myself doing other things. I had thrown away drawing because I had convinced myself what I did was trash so there was no point in practicing. This went on for several years.
I was at a point in my life that I had no career or job. I was pretty depressed, even more so than I let my family know—which is never a good idea, by the way. I was filling a bit of a void by scrolling through social media and found an artist that I will highlight in another post. I found her perspective a lot like mine and she had to change her art goals because of life circumstances as well. It was through her that I found kidlit art.
I say find, but more like rediscovered. I loved kids books when I was younger, but I had forgotten how creative the art could be. It was exciting!
Her videos on how to get into the industry were enlightening and encouraging. I found other artists doing the same thing as her (I’ll write of them, too.) and the rest became history for me. I looked around the kidlit art world and found myself gaining confidence. I could do this.
Interesting enough, I find myself now in a job that could lead to a good career. But art is calling out to me again and I have to try. It was my first love, after all. I’ll just have to work extra hard for the foreseeable future and give myself a chance. I feel that this quote sums up my feelings for me pretty well.
